Rediscovering yourself can look like a lot of things. However, rediscovering yourself in motherhood is different. Whether it changes you for the better or makes you question everything you’ve decided to do, whatever space you’re in, I would encourage you to take time to rediscover yourself.
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So much of the discontentment felt comes from a number of things, sometimes it lack of village and support, sometimes it’s the simple fact that you have never done this before, so it’s not uncommon to feel like you’ve been somewhat robbed of your identity.
Taking the time to rediscover myself and who I am on this side of life has been interesting but also fun, it’s still a challenge, but I’m leaning into so much and enjoying figuring out who I am now, versus sulking over who I was before. That shared, let’s get into how you can rediscover yourself in motherhood and live more as a result.
Rediscover Yourself So You Can Live More
Rediscovering Yourself Physically
Physically your body has been through a lot and if you had a less than ideal pregnancy, labor or delivery, that can really add to how you feel about yourself physically, after a child. One of the things I was determined to do, within reason, was start to figure out how I wanted to dress again. I work from home, so it’s easy to be comfortable and throw on a sweatshirt and call it day, but when I go out to the grocery store or to dinner with my husband or girlfriends, I want to love what I wear and feel confident in it. You owe it to yourself to focus on new ways to rediscover yourself.
Redefine Your Style
You went from fitting into everything, to having a belly, to still having a belly after birth and then trying to decide what’s comfortable for caring for a baby all day and all night. If you were anything like me during pregnancy, I did my best to avoid maternity specific items in hopes that I would wear them after birth and some things yes, but not all things worked out. Spend some time editing your closet, jump on Pinterest, and start to redefine what the new you wears. You know how to make a vision board, you can make a styled outfit too.
Rediscover why you want to wear it, what it makes you feel and how you plan to incorporate it into your new lifestyle. Will you finally add some color? Will you wear matching sets? So much to decide on for yourself.
Buy New Bras and Panties
Listen, the type of bra and panties you feel like wearing are totally up to you and totally your business, but sometimes you just need to be out with the old and in with the new. You deserve new bras and new panties. A fresh start to go with your redefined style. Shape wear, sculpting panties, there are million reasons why a panty and bra refresh is helpful, but most of all, when things fit properly, it’s more flattering and as a result you feel more confident.
Update Your Beauty and Skincare Routines
My skin was pretty solid while I was pregnant. I drank more water, had nothing but time and opportunity to do my skincare. After I had my baby, my skin didn’t go crazy, but I feel like I cared a little less for it. First, toss any old and expired products. Acknowledge and address your current skin concerns and slowly start to implement new products or replenish your favorites to start you on your new and updated skincare routine.
Likewise with your beauty routine, rediscover yourself by trying new lip colors or a new blush, or even trying a new way of applying your makeup. I’m not a blush girl, I’m a very hardcore highlight girl, but after trying the Hourglass cheek duo which is highlight and blush, I decided that it was something I could get into, maintain, and it was a fun pop of pink on my cheeks that I wouldn’t otherwise go for.
Try A New Fitness Hobby or Workout
This one is for me because I still haven’t done it yet, but trying a new fitness hobby or workout, as you feel led and comfortable is a great way to rediscover yourself. I’ve been saying I want to be a pilates girl and I really need to just commit to it and get myself up and go to a class.
A lot of who we identify as on this side includes our physical body and appearance and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s not vain, to want to feel good in your skin and body again and what better way to add to that new found confidence in motherhood than by working out or working out in a new way. Don’t forget to include cute new workout clothes and sets too.
Try A New Fragrance to Rediscover Yourself
Perfume and fragrances are so personal; they tell stories and while I loved perfumes before pregnancy, after, there is something so special about it. My mom, aunt and grandma always wore perfume and I remember being at the baby sitter and knowing my mom was there because I could literally smell her.
I don’t overdo it, since my little guy and I are at home most of the time, but I definitely don’t shy away either. He’ll have that same sort of experience and we get a nice way to rediscover and curate our signature scents.
Change Your Hairstyle
Add hair or cut some of it off, changing your hair is definitely a great way to rediscover yourself. Sometimes you don’t even realize how blah your hair can make you feel until you finally cut it or add to it. We’ve all had those moments, when you only style your hair a certain way, up or down and of course there is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes we need drastic change.
I know people say hair is just that, but it really does hold a lot of weight, literally and figuratively for women. The decision to cut my hair for my 33rd birthday was one I had been plotting on and I just decided I was going to do it. I was pregnant on my birthday last year so it feel good to decide I wasn’t going back and forth about it. I was ready to do it and I’ve loved it ever since. Plus new a do will make your outfits feel new and fresh again.
Rediscover Yourself Mentally and Emotionally
Mentally and emotionally, just as your body endured, your mind went through some things. Some people have incredibly easygoing, picturesque pregnancies and some people don’t. Birth trauma is a real thing and that can affect us. Likewise, even having a great pregnancy, postpartum can be just as mentally and emotionally taxing.
You have to consciously rediscover yourself. The physical stuff is the outside, what’s going on inside is what will really sustain us long term and allow what we want on the outside to show up. It’s okay to crave that alone time and need it to figure out how to process all that you have experienced and are currently experiencing.
Solo Date Yourself
Solo dates, time alone from your little one, your husband, your busy life and all of the hustle and bustle of being needed is necessary. What you choose to do on your solo date to rediscover yourself is your choice, but having a meal in some sort of silence. Going to the beach, movies, a show, whatever you choose, you deserve that date with yourself.
Start Therapy If You Need To Rediscover Yourself
Start or continue, there is no shame. Being honest allows you the freedom to rediscover yourself. If you’re lying to yourself or putting on a facade that will only last for so long. It’s okay to talk to someone and let them help you through it.
Take A Solo Trip or Short Staycation
Turn that solo date into a solo weekend. However, if you’re not wanting to be alone all together, invite another mama or girlfriend to join you. Lately I’ve seen mama friends, usually 2, but of course more if you choose, doing staycations, spa days and essentially more for themselves outside of being a wife and mom. They’re rediscovering themselves and caring for themselves.
Journaling never gets old. If you struggle with vocalizing how you feel, write it down. Journaling doesn’t always have to be deep. Writing down where you are and where you would like to be is a great way to have something to look back on when you accomplish all that you’ve set out for on this side. Describe it, you, the scenario, all of it in detail.
Spend Time Reading God’s Word to Rediscover Yourself
Whenever I’m frustrated, annoyed, anything I look up the scriptures that speak to that. When I’m feeling stressed or not heard or needed too much, I find scripture that addresses that. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, so much of what we’re longing for and looking for as far as solutions is right there in the Bible. We have to be reminded that things don’t happen overnight, everything is a gradual step that eventually leads you to rediscover yourself while acknowledging the hardships on the way. We have to do our part just as much as we expect God to do his.
One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 6:25-34: Therefore I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? Consider the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t YOU worth more than they? Can any of you add one more to his life span by worrying? … But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Be Honest with What You’re Needing and What You Feel You’re Lacking
In order to rediscover yourself you have to be honest about what you’re needing what you feel you’re lacking, be it support, financial, or the like. We’re conditioned to believe that we should be grateful no matter the situation and circumstance and that certainly has its place, but it doesn’t negate the feelings or experiences that take place. BOTH things can be true. You can be grateful and miserable. You can be so in love with your life and still feel like something is missing. We’ve seen it, we’ve heard the stories and instead of being honest we become good at covering up instead of just admitting that it’s hard and overwhelming.
You deserve to rediscover yourself on this side of life, on this side of motherhood. You deserve to live more, to thrive, to feel and be taken care of, to take care of yourself, to look and feel good doing it and to not have to apologize or feel guilty for it.
No matter if this is your first kid or last kid, rediscovering yourself has no time limit or expiration date. It begins when you’re ready to embrace the journey and the work you have to do.
How has motherhood been for you? Have you started your journey to self rediscovery yet? Let 2024 be the year you show up for yourself.
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