8 years down and literally a lifetime to go. People ask how we do it? How we did it? The only answer I have is we have always been friends first.
I thought about sharing our backstory but instead I want to just write and share my thoughts on making a relationship work especially 8 years in.
“This can only be as good as we both make it, yes it sometimes, it’s gonna hurt. We can be happy as happy as we want to be girl, but we gotta make it work” – Neyo, Make It Work
Put the Work In + Remain Friends First
Relationships like anything else are work. Even the relationships that look the most together have had moments of uncertainty and doubt. I actually think the one thing that has made our relationship different and still exciting is the fact that we had to deal with long distance first. Long distance has always given me a reason to look forward to something. Always look forward to trying something new or going somewhere different. Most people dread long distance and some have even said they could never do it, but I think it ended up working in our favor in the long run because there was never any routine.
Having a friendship itself is work. Turning that into something deeper is even more work. My biggest piece of advice always and forever, no matter who I talk to is to always be friends with someone first. I know it can seem tough because we’re getting “older” and we wonder “how long it will take,” but it is a lot harder to try to be friends with someone you don’t really know WHILE IN a relationship than it is to get to know them before.
Never Stop Dating
It’s soooo easy to get comfortable in relationships. Make time to go on a date, make time to go to your favorite spot or try a new spot. Go to your favorite restaurant in a different location to get out of your comfort zone and make it a whole experience. My fiance and I stay local, because some of our favorite spots are local, but for our anniversary last year, I decided we should go to Pasadena for brunch.
The restaurant we went to has locations in LA, but I wanted to freshen things up and decided let’s get out of LA and try something else. We ended up making it a whole day and it was perfect. I love creating these little adventures for us where we both get to experience something new.
Be Your Own #CoupleGoals
Single or taken, engaged or married, you should always been your own #CoupleGoals. I know it’s exciting to see our favorite celebs and so and so together, but their relationship is not yours. You don’t know what any of these individuals have to do or are sacrificing to make their relationship work. People don’t know what you’re doing or sacrificing to make your own relationship work and that is why it’s important to not compare. People don’t even know what my fiance and I may be sacrificing in our own relationship, but that doesn’t mean I want to fill anyone else’s shoes. I’m definitely happy with what we have going on.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t let the appearance of what someone else has rob you of your own experience. You have the power to make your relationship as great and as successful as you want it to be. Admiring someone else’s relationship doesn’t do much for your own relationship. If the couple is sharing tips or advice to help you in your relationship, by all means implement the advice soundly if you are feeling like you need it, but always remember each relationship is different.
Feed your own relationship and it will flourish.